Sunday, Oct. 12 9am
Unfortunately yesterday was not a good day. Mom appeared to be very uncomfortable and we couldn’t figure out what was causing her pain. Eventually they were able to give her enough pain medication that she settled down and slept. Prior to that she was awake for awhile but didn’t seem to know what was going on. It’s painful to see her like that.

We also talked to the doctor at length. This is going to be very difficult for those who know and love Mom to hear. There is very little chance that we will be able to pursue any other treatment after Wednesday. Her health has declined so much that unless she makes a dramatic turnaround, there is no point in doing chemotherapy as it will only prolong her suffering. She hasn’t eaten anything more than a bite or two since she entered the hospital. She is so weak, confused, and in pain. The worst part about cancer in the brain is that you lose the essence of the person before you lose the body. For good and bad, her soul is no longer with the body.

Once we bring her home she will no longer be on an IV for hydration. The doctor told us that studies have shown that you do not need hydration for comfort. It will probably be only a matter of weeks before we lose her altogether, but in many ways she is already gone. As I mentioned in a previous posting, we are only getting brief glimpses of her as it is now and those are likely to get fewer and further between.

Right now my Mom bears little resemblance to the vibrant and beautiful woman that we all know. I’m even putting up pictures of her above her bed so the doctors and nurses can see who she really is because the person lying in the bed is not her. Many people have expressed an interest in coming to see her. We will leave it up to you, but you may want to remember her how you’ve always known her -- without your last image of her being the person who is lying in the bed. And unfortunately at this point, she is not likely to be lucid enough to know you are there. All that said, we leave the decision up to you as the chance to say goodbye is very important to some.

We are still in shock and disbelief at how quickly she went downhill. Her sharp decline started 2 weeks ago today. Never in a million years would I have guessed we’d be at this point right now. I hope it will give you comfort in knowing that Mom knew she was going to die soon and is very much at peace. The first couple of days after she entered the hospital we had long talks. She reveled at how wonderful her life has been. She had not a single regret and talked about all the joy she was able to experience. When I said how unfair all this was her response was “Amy, Life isn’t fair, but you just make the best of it.” And that is how Mom lived her whole life. I believe that her attitude was also the reason she was always the happiest and most positive person I’ve ever known.

Through all of the low moments in our life, no matter how painful, Mom always said, “This too shall pass.” I think we all need to believe that now.